Since early October 2017, the American film producer Harvey Weinstein has been accused of sexually assaulting over 80 women throughout the course of his career. Since then, many other high-profile men have been accused of some form of sexual assault, including Mario Batali, Matt Lauer, Louis C.K., George H.W. Bush, and Aziz Ansari. It seems as though every week there’s a new scandal. It’s not even shocking anymore. Somehow, the fact that an estimated 322,000 women are victims of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States has become a normal part of our culture.

Right after news broke in mid-January 2018 that the comedian Aziz Ansari sexually assaulted a young woman, the victim wrote an article fully detailing what had occurred that night for babe.com, detailing the entire evening from start to finish. Shortly after, a friend of mine texted me asking if we could grab lunch. We spent hours deconstructing the story – looking at it from both the victim’s perspective and Ansari’s. It was so clear to us that Ansari was in the wrong – he sexually assaulted a young woman and felt no remorse whatsoever. The victim, on the other hand, is permanently scarred by what Ansari did to her.

So how can we prevent more cases like this from happening again? It starts with introducing sex education early on. A growing number of states are mandating sexual education programs that focus on consent. Schools that provide sexual education programs are also implementing self-defense courses for female-identifying students into the curriculum. But on a national level, there is no uniform affirmative consent policy, which also means there is a no clear-cut definition of consent. This never-ending cycle of sexual assault will continue if we do not actively teach children and young adults the difference between providing a clear and present yes and either a) saying no, b) providing an unclear answer and c) not providing an answer at all.

In addition to educating children on consent, sex education curriculums also need to teach children to check in with a person whom they want to instigate touch – meaning, they must make sure that the person they are interacting with is okay with the form of physical touch that is being presented to them. It’s important that children understand the importance of boundaries early on in life. If children understand that physically touching another person, such as a simple hug, is technically an invasion of someone’s personal space, then they are more likely to ask for consent when attempting to engage in sexual activity later on in life.

Teaching consent and boundaries – and how they both play into sexual assault prevention – is a very awkward and sensitive subject. But it doesn’t have to be. Many teachers and parents are utilizing young adult books such as Judy Blume’s Forever, John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars, and Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower to show students what positive and healthy consent looks like. Other books, such as Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak, about a high school freshman who is raped by a popular senior at her high school, are used to show what non-consensual sex looks like. Using novels geared towards specific age groups makes the conversation about sex less awkward and intimidating and more of a healthy and natural topic that comes with age.

Despite the effectiveness of comprehensive sex education programs, religious groups continue to push for abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. The argument between supporters of comprehensive sex education programs and abstinence-only-until-marriage programs is fought on two fronts: from an ethical standpoint and from an effectiveness standpoint. Pro-abstinence education supporters argue that sex is a sacred act that takes place between a man and a woman and that sex outside of marriage tarnishes one’s relationship with God. The only way that adolescents can protect their relationship with God is by being taught — and adhering to — these religious values. 

However, while it’s true that abstinence is the only 100% effective form of birth control, evidence shows that abstinence-only programs are ineffective. According to a study done in 2007 by Mathematica Policy Research on behalf of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, there was no evidence that proved abstinence-only-until-marriage programs increase rates of sexual abstinence. In fact, students who participated in these programs had a similar number of sexual partners as their peers in the comprehensive sex education program, as well as the same rate of unprotected sex. In addition to its lack of effectiveness, abstinence-only programs condemn sex as a sin caused by spiritual deficiency and rejects the idea of non-traditional relationships (interracial, LGBTQ, etc.), which causes an additional set of problems. Thus, it’s clear that a more inclusive sexual education program is needed to educate students about their sexuality and what it means to give consent.

Consent is not a newly founded idea – it is an integral part of our lives that has been overlooked and undermined. If we continue to perpetuate rape culture, and refuse to resolve the problems with sex education in the United States, then we will never see an end to statements such as “She didn’t say yes… but it seemed like she wanted to have sex.”